In terms of health, 2025 has not been kind to me so far. Earlier this year, my family had a bout of influenza that knocked us out for about two weeks, and even the weeks following that illness I found myself struggling to get back to my “normal.” Then, in March I had an accident on the tennis court when I ran forward for a ball, lost my balance and ended up “splatting” face down on the court, with my knees and my left shoulder taking the brunt of it. Ever since then, my left shoulder has been in pain whenever I reach behind me, so after an x-ray, physical exam and MRI, it was determined that I have shoulder tendinopathy and bursitis. On top of that, I took a step one day in April and felt sharp pain in my inner right ankle, which turned out to be posterior tibial tendonitis. And to put the cherry on top, I am in the midst of perimenopause, which is wreaking havoc on my sleep patterns. All in all, my body has not felt great this year.
This got me thinking about bodies in general and how injuries and illnesses can take a toll on them. When I was in my twenties, I rarely got sick or injured, and if I did, I recovered quickly. Nowadays, it takes me much longer to feel like my “normal” self again, whether it is the cough that just won’t go away for weeks after the flu or physical injuries that just seem to linger for weeks on end without improvement. The part that is most frustrating for me is how these illnesses and injuries limit what I am able to do, whether it is going to certain events, playing tennis, or even playing with my daughter.
For all of the injuries and illnesses I have incurred, I have sought medical treatment. For the flu, I was prescribed Tamiflu, which helped to lessen the severity and duration of the flu. I have been to the walk-in orthopedic clinic for both my ankle and my shoulder, and I have been given treatment plans for them. I met with a new OBGYN to address my perimenopausal concerns. It feels like it takes a village to keep our bodies feeling well!
With the discomfort and pain I have been experiencing in my body over the past couple of months, I have not been immune to having negative body thoughts. Living in a larger body is already challenging enough in this weight-obsessed world, but add on illness and injury and the internal and external fat phobia can make things even worse. While I have luckily not encountered fat phobia with any of my medical practitioners lately, I have had bad experiences in the past when a doctor has pathologized my fatness.
What I find that I am struggling with more is the negative body thoughts I have been having. I have been doing this body acceptance work for so long (over a decade), and even though I know that all bodies experience illness and injury and my fatness isn’t to blame, I still have the occasional thought of “well, maybe if I lost some weight, I would feel better in my body.” The idea that weight loss can cure fat people of injury or pain is not new and is still pushed by the medical community as a way to “solve” a myriad of issues. I often have to remind myself (as I do my clients in larger bodies) that thin bodies also get sick and injured and that losing weight is not curative. And as we all know by now, the majority of people who engage in intentional weight loss end up regaining the weight they lost within two to five years (with two thirds of them gaining even more weight).
So what can I do to help my body feel better? There are plenty of things, it turns out! Seeing the appropriate medical professionals and specialists was the first step, in most cases. My new OBGYN prescribed me hormone replacement therapy to address my perimenopausal symptoms. I have started physical therapy for both my ankle and my shoulder (with two separate physical therapists!), and I have been doing their prescribed exercises and stretches at home. I have rested my ankle and shoulder as best as I can, gotten acupuncture and massage for both, and have used ice/heat therapy as well. And I am making a concerted effort to pay attention to my body’s hunger and sleep cues to improve my energy levels as well. Most importantly, I have been (gently) reminding myself that all bodies age, get injured and sick sometime and that none of that is inherently about my body size.