I want to preface this installment of pregnancy thoughts with this: the biggest lesson I have learned regarding pregnancy and body is that not only is every woman’s body different, but every pregnancy is different for each and every woman. What I am writing about in this piece is my own personal experiences, and it is not meant to be generalized to other women’s experiences. There is no wrong way to have a pregnancy and/or a pregnant body!
Thoughts on Body Image and Pregnancy
Some of the earliest advice I got from female friends and family members when they found out about our news was around making sure that I did not gain “too much weight” over the course of my pregnancy. Of course, I feel that these sentiments are rooted in fat phobia and diet culture, but many women also told me that they themselves ended up gaining “huge” amounts of weight during their pregnancies (much more than the medically recommended amount), which led to complications. While I am not a doctor and do not know the intricacies of these women’s pregnancies, part of me wonders if perhaps this “extra” weight gain might have resulted from the rebound bingeing I described in the previous newsletter feature, although it could just be how their bodies responded to pregnancy.
The other thing I have wondered in these situations is if these women give this advice to all pregnant ladies or just fat ones. Given that I have been living in a larger body for a number of years now, I am curious to know if these women are worried about potential medical complications for my pregnancy or, instead, how much fatter I will get. I have not asked these women questions about their intentions, but it definitely has crossed my mind.
Being a fat pregnant person is an interesting experience. For me, my baby belly did not become all that visible until relatively recently. This is partly due to the fact that I tend to dress in loose clothing (that is just my style), so my baggy sweaters and sweatshirts do camouflage my bump. But I also think that starting out as a fat woman, I was not going to have the stereotypical pregnant body that we all see on TV and in the movies. When I used to envision a pregnant woman, I would think of a slender woman who is “nothing but bump,” i.e., lean all over except for the “perfect” round tummy. I feel that we rarely see representations of fat pregnant women on TV or in movies, so that what the “typical” pregnant body looks like has been skewed for many of us. I was big before my pregnancy, and now I just look bigger in my belly area; if you did not know I was pregnant, you might not assume as much.
This “untypical” pregnant body has its pros and cons. On the one hand, I do not like to have a lot of attention focused on me, so not appearing obviously pregnant has helped me fly under the radar a lot, which I appreciate most of the time. One of my good tennis friends told me that she had a tough time during her pregnancies as she is a very private person, and her protruding baby belly made her quite conspicuous. She described how people on the street would approach her and touch her belly and give her a lot of attention that made her uncomfortable. I am sure she would have preferred to have had a bit more camouflage at the time!
But there are also times when I wish that it were more obvious that I am pregnant. In our society, pregnant women are (for the most part) treated lovingly and with respect. If a pregnant woman gets on the T, people will give up their seat for her. Her baby belly garners smiles and warm greetings. I am missing out on that as my baby bump is not prominent, and sometimes that makes me sad. When Jonah and I went on our “babymoon” vacation in March, no one could tell I was pregnant. They knew we were celebrating something, so they assumed it was our honeymoon, and as such, they kept on trying to give us champagne! I was able to laugh at it at the time, but there was also something a bit disappointing about not having my pregnancy celebrated by others.
Another thing that has been super interesting to notice is how friends and family have commented on my pregnant body. While all of the comments have been positive in nature, it also makes me feel uncomfortable when people comment on my body at all. On many occasions, these friends and family members have said, “Wow, I can’t even tell that you’re pregnant!” or “Good for you for not gaining too much weight!” A few weeks ago, the tennis pro at my club actually said, “You look great – you look like you’ve lost weight!” I know he was trying to be nice, but his comment implied that losing weight would be an improvement for me (as in my pre-pregnancy body was flawed). Never mind that pregnant women are indeed supposed to gain weight over the course of their pregnancies; so any weight loss would not be healthy during this time. These types of comments are fat phobic in nature and reinforce the idea that it is okay to comment on others’ bodies. People, please stop doing this! If you must, saying something like “You look great – how are you feeling?” is a much better sentiment to express rather than commenting on a woman’s specific body changes.
I feel like my pregnancy has given me a new appreciation for my body. I had thought that being “advanced maternal age” and fat would have not only made conceiving nearly impossible, but that my pregnancy would be rife with complications. Incredibly (knock on wood!), everything has been going well! I hesitate to write this, but honestly, being pregnant has been much easier than I thought it would be. Aside from some tooth/gum pain (hello, root canal!), hot flashes (sweating up a storm), and fatigue, I have had very few negative pregnancy symptoms. Of course, this could all change in the final month, but for now, I am amazed that my “old” and fat body is handling pregnancy so well. When I think about the fact that I am actually growing a tiny human right now, it seriously boggles my mind! It truly is incredible!
I am sure that my thoughts about my body will change once I deliver and continue to evolve after the birth and as the years go on. I hope to impart to my daughter the idea that our bodies are truly amazing and are capable of so many wonderful things and that appreciating what our bodies do for us on a daily basis is one of the cornerstones to a happy life.