“If you’re gay, don’t come home.”

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Joanne and I overhear so much nutrition-related garbage at our health club that I have considered creating a new blog category to chronicle it all, the working title of which is “Shit We Overhear at the Gym.” Harsh, but to the point.

Similarly candid and blunt was my experience at the gym this morning, where the topic of conversation was understandably a departure from the typical diet talk, body shaming, and nutrition myths, and instead focused on the presidential election results.

“My husband told me, ‘Anybody but her [Hillary Clinton]’, but I am really scared, and as a woman I feel so disrespected,” said the woman on the cable machine. Shortly thereafter, I ran into a friend of mine who fought back tears as she talked about what Trump’s election means for her 18-year-old daughter who now fears for her present and future.

Once I finished my workout, I headed downstairs to the men’s locker room where the guys were also discussing the election, but instead of crying they were laughing, making a joke of the whole thing. The sample size is small, granted, but the stark contrast between the male and female reactions illustrates the difference between the privileged and the vulnerable.

A friend of mine, someone I have known for close to 30 years, is the only open Trump supporter in my social circle. Once his candidate was declared the victor, he took to Facebook and gloated. After considering whether or not to respond, I decided to reach out to him in a way that I thought might help him to understand what this election result really means for our country.

When we were teenagers,” I wrote, “your father reportedly said to you, ‘If you’re gay, don’t come home.’ Fortunately, you self-identified as heterosexual, but the threat of not being accepted and welcome in your own home shook you enough that you talked with me about it. A Trump presidency makes America a less welcoming and more dangerous place for Muslims, Jews, Mexicans, women, blacks, gays, and other at-risk groups. The outrage and fear we are witnessing regarding Trump’s election is not about political parties, a change in direction, or disagreement over policies; rather, it is about millions of people with whom you and I share this country waking up today worried for their safety and freedom.

“For your sake, I am glad the crosshairs are not on you, at least not yet. Hopefully neither one of your sons is a closeted homosexual or self-identifies as a woman but is too scared to say so. For the rest of us, whether we are members of one of Trump’s targeted groups or we simply care about the people who are, his election is an ominous reminder that hate and scapegoating are alive and well in America and that history can certainly repeat itself.”

Hate is nothing new and Joanne and I have received a small taste of it. Because we advocate for size acceptance, we are occasionally bullied by online trolls who disagree with our stance that everybody, regardless of their size, is entitled to respect and equal treatment. The flack that we catch is nothing; for some of our colleagues, daily death threats are a way of life.

What is new though is the legitimacy that Trump has given to hate. Hiding behind an anonymous Twitter handle or a white sheet was one thing, but suddenly we had a presidential candidate repeatedly broadcasting his racism, misogyny, and bigotry out in the open on international television, and instead of shutting him down, we elected him. No wonder the women in the fitness center cried while the guys downstairs laughed.

As paradoxical as it may sound, intolerance of intolerance is an important stance for the safety of our community. Employees who spout hate speech at work are likely to be disciplined or fired, our legal system has hate crime laws that extend beyond whatever act is committed, and Germany banned the swastika after the fall of the Nazi regime, just to name a few examples. Regarding the latter, I reminded my friend how things worked out for that country and its people when a man rose to power on the platform that minorities were to blame for the nation’s poor economy and lack of prosperity.

We, as Americans, should be ashamed of ourselves. All of the men and women who have given their lives, either literally or figuratively, in military conflicts and civil actions over the past 240 years in pursuit of freedom and equality, and now a good portion of our citizens are eagerly trying to flush it down the toilet. We are a threat to ourselves and the world. America is an international embarrassment.

Joanne and I both want to leave. She says Toronto, I say Canada is too close for comfort and have my sights set on New Zealand. In reality though, running from the problem is no solution and we are not going anywhere. Every generation faces its struggles with hate, but the overall trend moves towards acceptance and inclusion because ordinary people hold their ground, stand up, and demand it.

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